点评:If you’ve ever dreamed of drifting peacefully down a river for three relaxing hours, don’t come here — unless you meant six hours of sun-scorched misery while your children cry and you paddle just to keep moving.
Landers told us our 5-mile tubing trip would be a chill three-hour float. Cute. The Delaware River clearly didn’t get the memo, because in some spots the current almost stops entirely. You’ll have to use your arms like oars not fun when your only paddles are your hands and growing resentment.
Pro tip: if you have kids under 12, they’ll be too small for the tubes and too weak to help. So congrats, you’re towing a human anchor while slowly baking alive.
And just when you think you’ve made it, Landers hits you with the finale a shoreline of thick, goopy mud that sucks your shoes off and your soul with it. Because who doesn’t want to end the worst vacation day ever by trudging through six inches of swamp muck?
Never again. Thanks for the trauma, Landers.
翻译:如果你曾梦想过在河上悠闲地漂流三个小时,那就别来这里了——除非你打算在烈日下煎熬六个小时,一边看着孩子们哭闹,一边划桨勉强维持生命。
兰德斯告诉我们,我们5英里的漂流之旅会是一次轻松惬意的三个小时漂流。真是太酷了。特拉华河显然不理解你的心意,因为在某些地方,水流几乎完全停止了。你得用胳膊像划桨一样划桨,这可一点也不好玩,因为你唯一的桨只有双手和日益增长的怨恨。
专业提示:如果你有12岁以下的孩子,他们太小,不适合使用漂流管,也太虚弱,帮不上忙。所以,恭喜你,你正在拖着一个人体锚,同时慢慢地被烤熟。
就在你以为自己成功了的时候,兰德斯的压轴戏却降临到你头上:海岸线上厚厚的、黏糊糊的泥浆吸走了你的鞋子,连你的灵魂也一起吸走了。因为谁不想在最糟糕的假期里,跋涉过六英寸厚的沼泽泥浆,以此结束一天呢?
再也不来了。谢谢你,兰德斯,让我受了伤。